I did the unthinkable this week.
I saw a bathing suit and thought.. why not.
I can tell you why not, but I would get censored by facebook and probably put in jail for an indeterminate length of time.
My journey started when I saw one that I thought would work. Note I did not say look good. I said work. There’s a big difference.
Decided to take a chance and bought it at Sam’s Club (no fitting rooms). I gathered all my nerve to try it on at home. If there was a fitting room I guarantee I would have fallen against a wall and knocked it all down.
Now this is the point you might want to not try to mentally picture this. It’s not pretty.
Got the suit almost on and went to slip my arms through the straps. I could not do it.
I literally could not put my arms through the straps. At one point I had one arm in and one arm out and then couldn’t move any further. Seriously.
I also could not slip the one arm back out to take it off.
At this point I am looking for some scissors. But before I do that, I try again. I kid you not I had broken a sweat trying to just get the damn thing on and now to get it back off. I took a deep breath and thought this is so silly.. I got it on I can get it off. I finally did. I waded it into a ball and threw it into the corner.
Now the suit actually fit and was in some areas a little loose, this was not a skin tight suit. At my age?? Seriously not even a consideration.
After two or three days I decided there must be a way. As I said the suit actually fit when I “sort of” had it on (except for the medieval straps). No visuals here.
I decided to treat “the suit” like a pair of compression stockings. Start at the bottom and roll up. So it started to work and progression was slow, but I got both arms through the straps and all sorts of rolls started to appear… Okay, I’m all right with that. I am old… I just need/want something utility.
It had taken me at least ten minutes to get it on, the straps were like a straight jacket. Finally I say Nope, nada, not gonna work.
So I start to take it off. I might have reinjured my rotator cuff. It was as hard to take off as it was to put on. Arm/shoulder is still sore.
I didn’t have to cut the damn thing off, but I should have. Truly it would have been easier, but by now I wanted every single cent I paid for it back for this torture suit.
Today it was returned and they didn’t even ask me why. I wish they had.
